A part of preperation

The current unit my class of second graders are studying is titled, "Sharing the Planet: Ecosystems are fragile and require care to maintain balance". I never knew I would learn this the hard way, even though I understood it's meaning I just had to experience it. Life is fragile, but sometimes no matter what you do or how much care you put into life, we are taken down another road. Perhaps it is to learn a lesson, gain new perspectives and connect with others, be a better person or just prepare ourselves mentally, physically and spiritually to start again so next time we will be a bit closer to perfect. I feel that is how my miscarriage has enveloped me today. I am pulled in all these directions, thinking this will help me, will prepare me and be a fresh new start for some unknown reason. Now maybe my body is awake and aware of what it can and shouldn't do. Now I can empathize better with others and relate to their words and perhaps provide a bit of comfort.
The physcial pain was difficult; it always is for someone who fears it. I had such high hopes, mostly because I didn't want to create stress and harm myself. I was shocked after the results and the pain seemed to just disappear because there was so much more to think about. So I have chosen to read  a book that was written in total solitude amidst God's nature. Walden or Life in the Woods by Henry David Thoreau speaks of a peaceful life at Ralph Waldo Emerson's pond where the author submerses himself in the "abundance of life and health" and raising self-awareness through all of man's senses. I have heard delightful, spiritual and brillant opinions about this book and am ready to submerge myself.